dress revamp

I really have to make a revamp to my dressing. Now, i usually wear comfortable clothes, modern kurung, or baju kurung, and mostly what my husband prefer. All fabric, and fashion are up to agreement between us. I am happy to wear what my husband wants me to wear. I have got no problem about that. Until last week.

I attended a posh weeding recently. My lil girl was a bit too active and I have to carry her around to avoid her form jumping into the pool. Some people did talk to me a bit.. until i realize.. they all ask the same thing ' Ehh.. anak sapa ni...' touching LO's pipi.... until the 4th person asked the same thing, I startled. I said to myself, 'Kalau saya dukung, mestilah anak saya.. kenapa semua nk tanya nak sapa?'

Then I get it.. maybe they think I'm the bibik!!!! Then I looked around - yess..indeed.. every one is so well dress up, posh dresses, jewelery, make ups, dinner cluthes, new hairdo, canggih tudungs...and name it all in the menu. No wonder every ones asking me the same thing.

I really have to have good dresses for occasion like this. Appropriate beg - ot the one which is sooo big, with all my babies stuff in it. A lil make up maybe, and maybe Ariani tudung with the swarozki thing...

Or was it just me??? Being silly. errr was it time of the month already????

compare compare

how would you like yourself to be compared to other people???? you wouldnt like it rite???
errr.. well, some does, some doesnt..

compare yang camana?? hmm let seee.. if someone compares you to be better, e.g: "wah.. bekerja dengan puan lebih mudah bekerja dari encik yang satu lagi itu.." Kalau yang macam ni.. i am sure no one would mind.. suka lagi ada la kot.. or.."Kuih u buat ni, lagi sedap dari yang beli kat Giant tu..." macam ni pun ok la jugak.. sedap di dengar.

if its like this : "Awak dengan kawan kawan awak semua sama je, suka sangat shopping lama-lama" This comparison is not that bad either, macam biasa-biasa aja. "Dulu your skin macam putih, tapi sekarang saya tengok gelap sikit" hmm this one, tak de la sakit hati sangat, tapi sure will make you beli produk cosmetic baru to improve yourself.

but there are certain 'comparing situation' that I think most people dont like, e.g: "You are a bit shorter than my sons previous girlfriend" Ouch.. that might feel like a bit of needle poking you rite???? And like this; "Husband awak tu tak macam husband adik awak, husband adik rajin, suka tolong-tolong. Gaji dia pun tinggi jugak, 5 angka satu bulan". Wahhhh.. yang macam sounds like sudah lebih .. eh??

i have also been a situation that make me really down, and feel bad, and feel sad, and feel mad. To who?? to myself, to the situation, to my kids, and I dont know to who else??? what happened was that my kid has beeing compared to another kid, by a relative. That really gets me. I know my kid is not 100% marvelous.. but every kid is different rite?? I think everybody knows that.. mana-mana pun semua orang selalu cakap - semua budak tak sama.

The comparison are such as these: " xxxxx ni asyik nangis je.... yyyyy dulu tak macam ni pun" and " Tak diam sungguh xxxxx ni, yyyyy baik je masa age macam ni" and... hmm tak pe la.. I dont have to say more.. It really tense me.. compare la sesapa saja, saya, suami saya.. saya tak kisah.. but when it comes to anak saya.. saya sangat la tension..

Nasib baik boleh lepas kan perasaan kat sini..

What's your story????

stay at parents vs on your own

For some of the newly weds, this is one of the things that plays in their mind. Some have the choice to choose. Some doesnt, they kinda have to. I remembered my conversation with a friend some time ago:

"Weh, ur boyfriend seems to be macam anak mak je... Sure lepas kawin korang kena stay dengan parents dia kot"
"Hmm.. ntah.. agaknya la.. kalau ya.. nak buat camana.. terpaksa la aku deal je with it.. ada la kot kemungkinan gitu..." I said, while my brains runs, digesting the idea.
"Kalau aku la.. eiii tak nakkk seriously duduk dengan parents. Especially dengan in laws" she said again.

But it happens to be we have stayed on our own. I dont know whether that is lucky or not. Apa seronoknya duduk dengan parents? Apa seronoknya duduk sendiri?? I cant be sure, but...

Duduk sendiri

Its kinda cool, managing things on our own. Having our own house, develop and decorating the house together. Have all the time to ourselves and the house all to yourselves. Nak buat apa saja, or nak jalan pergi mana saja, senang - just do it. Making decision is easier. When you're on your own, you have to find time to visit your parents, both sides to be fair, and this came to me as something interesting. Its like putting in your schedule to date with parents, and something to look forward towards the weekends. To eat or not to eat, is not a big problem. Both of you might dine on maggi, and that would still be alright...hahahah...
But it might turns differently when you have kids. You need to look for your baby on your own. Bila tak tahu nak buat apa, google (hahahah.. new aged mothers do this, I bet) Paling kritikal is when the baby got sick. Either of you kena ambik cuti. When it comes to taking care of the baby, you'll be worry sick to get a maid and leave the two of them in the house - your baby and maid alone. In the end, the baby will send to a caretaker or nursery. Those who stay with parents is on a better side in this issue. Most of the times, they will help you start the new family. Help to look after your baby. Your baby will be under the care of someone they know-a family. And its easier if sometime you need to have a date with your other half. Your parent could look after them, and the two of you could grab some bite at the cafe, or even watch some movie, or go to the gym, or dinner, or any other else you need to do... but this sounds like taking advantage eh????????

Duduk dengan parents

I have never stayed in myself, but I did shared some experience with friends and witness some relatives that did. One thing for sure, you will never starve, and the house will always be in great condition, I mean, always tidy. If you're with your in laws, you MIL would always worry her son didnt eat enough, so she will cook to make sure he got it all..but if you're with you mom, she will pity you of being tired and make herself a replacement cook to get dinner ready on time, so your husband will always get good food, even how crappy his wife is (isnt this is fun??). The household expenses, chores can always be shared. Even the fun time can be shared - parents will be very very happy - they got their son/daughter in front of them, and they could spend all the time playing with grandchildren!!! Yippie!!!
But, on the other side of the coin is that, it wont always be summer. There'll be times that you wanted to be alone with your husband, and all you got is a room. At times you'll argue but cant get the issue solved when parents are around. And at times you need to discipline your kids but it never got done because granny is always there to back them up. And there'll be time you want to have some nice dinner at posh restaurant but couldn't afford all the family, so all you could do is dream on it (:P)

My say

Well.. I dont know.. I never had both exprience... But to me, if I have the choice to make, I will choose to live on our own, but nearby - not that near like next to it, but reasonably near - so I could try to live on my own, taking step by step experience building a family, but could always brush shoulders with parents so that the silaturahim remains. And I will take care my own kids, never want to burden their grandparents, but could always take them to play with granny.

What say you???? For some people, they dont have a choice to make. And if you have such experience, let share it here.