stay at parents vs on your own

For some of the newly weds, this is one of the things that plays in their mind. Some have the choice to choose. Some doesnt, they kinda have to. I remembered my conversation with a friend some time ago:

"Weh, ur boyfriend seems to be macam anak mak je... Sure lepas kawin korang kena stay dengan parents dia kot"
"Hmm.. ntah.. agaknya la.. kalau ya.. nak buat camana.. terpaksa la aku deal je with it.. ada la kot kemungkinan gitu..." I said, while my brains runs, digesting the idea.
"Kalau aku la.. eiii tak nakkk seriously duduk dengan parents. Especially dengan in laws" she said again.

But it happens to be we have stayed on our own. I dont know whether that is lucky or not. Apa seronoknya duduk dengan parents? Apa seronoknya duduk sendiri?? I cant be sure, but...

Duduk sendiri

Its kinda cool, managing things on our own. Having our own house, develop and decorating the house together. Have all the time to ourselves and the house all to yourselves. Nak buat apa saja, or nak jalan pergi mana saja, senang - just do it. Making decision is easier. When you're on your own, you have to find time to visit your parents, both sides to be fair, and this came to me as something interesting. Its like putting in your schedule to date with parents, and something to look forward towards the weekends. To eat or not to eat, is not a big problem. Both of you might dine on maggi, and that would still be alright...hahahah...
But it might turns differently when you have kids. You need to look for your baby on your own. Bila tak tahu nak buat apa, google (hahahah.. new aged mothers do this, I bet) Paling kritikal is when the baby got sick. Either of you kena ambik cuti. When it comes to taking care of the baby, you'll be worry sick to get a maid and leave the two of them in the house - your baby and maid alone. In the end, the baby will send to a caretaker or nursery. Those who stay with parents is on a better side in this issue. Most of the times, they will help you start the new family. Help to look after your baby. Your baby will be under the care of someone they know-a family. And its easier if sometime you need to have a date with your other half. Your parent could look after them, and the two of you could grab some bite at the cafe, or even watch some movie, or go to the gym, or dinner, or any other else you need to do... but this sounds like taking advantage eh????????

Duduk dengan parents

I have never stayed in myself, but I did shared some experience with friends and witness some relatives that did. One thing for sure, you will never starve, and the house will always be in great condition, I mean, always tidy. If you're with your in laws, you MIL would always worry her son didnt eat enough, so she will cook to make sure he got it all..but if you're with you mom, she will pity you of being tired and make herself a replacement cook to get dinner ready on time, so your husband will always get good food, even how crappy his wife is (isnt this is fun??). The household expenses, chores can always be shared. Even the fun time can be shared - parents will be very very happy - they got their son/daughter in front of them, and they could spend all the time playing with grandchildren!!! Yippie!!!
But, on the other side of the coin is that, it wont always be summer. There'll be times that you wanted to be alone with your husband, and all you got is a room. At times you'll argue but cant get the issue solved when parents are around. And at times you need to discipline your kids but it never got done because granny is always there to back them up. And there'll be time you want to have some nice dinner at posh restaurant but couldn't afford all the family, so all you could do is dream on it (:P)

My say

Well.. I dont know.. I never had both exprience... But to me, if I have the choice to make, I will choose to live on our own, but nearby - not that near like next to it, but reasonably near - so I could try to live on my own, taking step by step experience building a family, but could always brush shoulders with parents so that the silaturahim remains. And I will take care my own kids, never want to burden their grandparents, but could always take them to play with granny.

What say you???? For some people, they dont have a choice to make. And if you have such experience, let share it here.


Anonymous said...


waterlily said...


Mommy Lyna said...

good one.

akak duk ngan in law. mmg banyak pahit manisnya. alah.. mana2 pun sama je, semua ada pro cons, bergantung cemana kita terima.

zenhijabi said...

Personally I agree with you. I would like to stay on my own, but my house will be near enough to my parents in case of emergencies.

As for staying with in-laws, please. I don't want. Banyak susah loh... My mum also don't encourage staying with in-laws. Haha!

And duduk dekat mak best, kalau lambat balik boleh gak dinner kat sana. Atau anak balik skolah boleh nenek tolong jaga.. Tul tak? Hehe..

peminat pepaya said...

i stay with my parent but I dont let my mom to jaga my kids. I bath them, feed them and wherever I go, I will bring the whole troop. Dont leave the kids when u want your own sweet time with the hubby. It was just not FAIR.

Staying with parent is interesting. But there will be some conflicts arise, i.e. when your dad want u to do something, but your hubby wants otherwise / or want u to do something else.

Staying with in-laws, I have to wear hijab 24/7 because I have 2 BILs. They are very fussy when it comes to meal preparation. They expect everybody to wake up at 5am too. Also no privacy. Semua bilik milik semua orang. Eventhough you are sleeping in the room, if the relative of other sibling come to the house, they also use the room as if it is theirs. They tukar baju and baring2 in the same room.

When I said it is "uncomfortable", everybody said "you will adjust some day"... but, sleeping at night and suddenly waking up with some non-muhrim kat kepala and sorg lagi tidur kat kaki, that is unforgivable. Tidur sepah2 kat kampung is not nice.

I know it is a culture for you guys, but keep it to the family la. When ppl dah kahwin, they need to move on. You cant expect them to live the same life. His WIFE need some privacy. and some space.

luckily my husband fully understand. one time, we balik kampung sbb ada his cousin kahwin and tidur kat hotel. U cant expect a couple with 3 kids to tidur2 campur2 with other 60+ ppl. Kids got upset, then the mom got upset.

I love my family very much and pls pray for us to get a new house asap.